Can We Have An Honest Relationship Please, Twitter People?

I think the word "friend" applied to social network relationships is an unfortunate choice.

Let's face facts. If I follow a famous person or even a "famousy" person on Twitter, do I really believe they are my friend? Do I really have the expectation that because I follow Brent Spiner or Leo Laporte or even Barack Obama on Twitter and that they follow me in return, that somehow we have a "relationship" now and that we're going to hang out on The BeanCast and have drinks and talk marketing issues on my marketing podcast?

Of course not!

Yet for some reason there is this odd thing happening on Twitter. The common wisdom has become that you should follow everyone who follows you. Sounds good, right? No one's feelings get hurt and you have an equal, sharing relationship where you're equally heard. Except for one thing. It's all a lie!

Just do the math, people. If someone has 30,000 followers and someone else has 200, do you really think their experiences are the same on Twitter? If I tweet at the person with 30,000 followers, it's a snowball's chance in hell that this person will just happen to be looking at the stream at the exact moment that my tweet rolls by, before my comment is swallowed in the deluge other posts.

But wait, it get's worse!

Have you ever wondered why Tweetdeck has become so suddenly popular? Just think: Why would a program that swallows all your screen real estate be all the rage? Well, because it lets you segment the Twitter stream, of course. What does that mean? Scott Bourne, on MacBreak Weekly, put it best in his somewhat callous way, when he said , (and I paraphrase a bit) "It lets you look like you're following everyone, but then allows you to split off those individuals who you really want to follow."

The big hope of social media is the social conversation. A great room of individuals and great ideas rising to the top. And to a certain extent that's how the system functions. Memes rise up from followers taking up the conversation. But to think or even pretend that this conversation is always going to be on an equal footing is just ludicrous! What's worse, it actually serves to stifle conversation when you pretend to be listening and you're not.

Let's be blunt. I'm a big boy. I know there are some truly interesting people out there -- people who are probably much more interesting than myself -- and I know that as a result these people are probably going to be more popular than I am. I live in the US. We've operated under the "Hollywood Cloud" for as long as I can remember. I'm used to not having a relationship with famous people. And I understand if I want people to pay attention to me, I need to be interesting in my own right.

So what am I asking for? Real respect! Not the patronizing kind.

Don't send me a follow unless you mean it. When you do follow me just to get a follow back, or patronize me with a pity follow since you can ignore me anyway, you reduce the importance of all the other people following me. I mean, what happiness can I derive from the fact that Joe Somebody has followed me, when I suspect they won't be listening anyway?

What's more, don't take it as an affront if I don't follow you back. It doesn't mean that you aren't interesting as a person. It just means that I'm not particularly interested in what you're talking about at the moment. There's always this kind of dichotomy in life. Sometimes we're talking about one thing while still being interested in another. So while you may be very interested in what I have to say about marketing and occasional video game benders, I may not be relating to your breastfeeding or knitting.

There's a thing called honest discourse. And it involves more than just honesty in what's being said. It also involves honesty regarding what's being heard.

When it comes to Twitter, I encourage you to only follow people who strike you as interesting. It's not about the follower numbers. (God! If I see one more person crowing about how they're going on a hunger strike until they reach 5,000 followers I'm going to lose it!) It's about the discourse among the followers and friends you have.

As for me, if you think you have something interesting to add to a conversation and I'm not following you yet, use the @thebeancast or d thebeancast options. If I find what you're saying is consistently interesting to me (and let me be clear that this is only my opinion at the moment and not a judgment) I will follow you back. Really very simple.

Okay, last piece of advice: Twitter is a tool that cuts both ways. It's a chance to be heard, but it's also a chance to listen. So don't get caught up in the former at the neglect of the latter. A brand would do very well to follow a bunch of customers and have no one following them back. Just the chance to hear what's being said would make your time well-spent. Think about that for a while.